Terrible Miracle

Healing is not relief; it is possession. Knowledge is not triumph; it is invasion. 

The body, once pliant, is no longer yours.

The mind, once solitary, is no longer yours.

Every heartbeat is an echo of forces you cannot name, every thought a corridor through which some alien presence walks.

And yet, the miracle compels you to continue, to live, to marvel.

And in that marvel lies the terror, the exquisite, unrelenting terror, of knowing that life itself is no longer your own, but a canvas for currents that move unseen, endless, and merciless.

Monsters Exist

Today, our vampires are CEOs; our ghosts are social media addicts; our werewolves are spree shooters. The forms mutate. The underlying tremor does not.

The true horror is not that there are monsters out there. The true horror is that the categories fit.

On Definitions and the Nature of Identification

To define is to draw a circle in the sand and pretend the sea will honor it. We carve lines where being spills, we name what shifts, we say: “this is that,” and hope the world will agree. But it never fully does. Language reaches, but never holds. Behind every definition stands the uneasy shadow of the undefined.

There are two mirrors we hold up to a concept: the extensional and the intensional. The first is outward, the second inward. Extension is the gesture of listing, of gathering particulars under a banner — triangle means this shape, and that one, and the one etched on the classroom board, and the one in Euclid’s ghost. It collects, accumulates, counts. It says: show me the instances. And in their sum, I will know the thing.

But this sum is never complete. What of triangles not yet drawn? What of dogs unborn, thoughts unthought, futures unformulated? The extension only ever points — it cannot explain why. It gestures to a field, but not to the force that binds the field together. It answers the question what, but stutters before the question why this and not that.

Intension, by contrast, peers into the concept’s heart. It speaks in essences, in the necessary and sufficient conditions that conjure a thing into being. “A triangle,” it whispers, “is a three-sided polygon whose internal angles sum to 180 degrees.” Never mind whether it has been drawn. Never mind whether anyone has seen it. If the conditions are met, the triangle is. It exists by virtue of structure, not instance.

But even intension deceives. The essence of a thing, when named, begins to drift from it. No definition is identical with its object. The more precise the net, the more it reveals its own holes. We discover, again and again, that the map cannot contain the territory — though we have mistaken maps for kingdoms since the beginning of abstraction. In attempting to define, we summon both clarity and loss. What we name, we isolate. What we isolate, we estrange.

The philosopher’s anguish is this: identity is not equivalence. A thing is never quite identical to its definition, even when the definition is true. There is always remainder. A name does not capture. It approximates. It signals. It seduces the mind into thinking it understands. But understanding is not enclosure. It is an echo thrown across an abyss.

This is the trouble with identification. To identify is not merely to recognize. It is to become identified with. The self, too, lives by definition — layered, recursive, and often contradictory. We define ourselves by extensions: the roles we play, the acts we've committed, the names by which others call us. But these are garments, not flesh. Intension — the internal pattern of desire, fear, thought, and value — eludes even our own grasp.

“I am this,” we say. But what is “I”? Is it the list of past actions? The intention behind the next one? The unspeakable midpoint between choice and fate? Definitions of the self always fall short — yet without them, we drift. We cling to categories not because they are true, but because they provide contour. Identity is less about being and more about not-being-everything-else.

Yet the act of defining, though flawed, is not false. It is creative. It is ritual. To define is to assert pattern over chaos, to draw thresholds where otherwise there would be blur. And if the world resists our definitions, it is not always because they are wrong, but because the world itself is in flux. Meaning is a tide, not a fact. To define is to cup water in the hands. The shape may not last, but the act is still real.

So we move between the two poles: the extensional and the intensional, the outward pointing and the inward pulling, the countable and the conceptual. Neither suffices. Together they form a kind of imperfect symmetry—a gesture toward understanding, even if not its fulfillment.

And perhaps that is enough. Not to capture, but to listen. Not to define absolutely, but to trace the shape of what resists shape. Not to say “this is that,” but to murmur: “this reminds me of that, this calls that to mind, this is near that in the dreamscape of thought.”

For in the end, we are not creatures of definition, but of desire. And desire does not define—it longs. It circles. It returns. The truth of a thing may not be what it is, but what it becomes when we try to name it. And in that becoming, something flickers into being.

The net does not hold — but the gesture of casting it matters.

The Stillness That Contains the Storm: On Eternalism

There is an ancient temptation, older than clocks, older than calendars: the desire to stop time — not merely in the fantasy of halting decay, or preserving love, but in the deeper sense of seeing time not as it appears, but as it is. Eternalism, that glacial and unsettling doctrine, emerges from this temptation and gives it ontological teeth. It whispers what few dare say aloud: that all moments are equally real. That your birth, your death, the pause before a first kiss, the moment after a final breath—they are not gone or not-yet. They are. Always.

To step into eternalism is to step out of the familiar choreography of past, present, and future. The dance halts. Or rather, it continues — but all at once, a thicket of overlapping gestures frozen in the same breath. The present, that most vaunted illusion, becomes just one ledge among many. Time no longer flows; it stretches, like landscape. And you, who once imagined yourself drifting downriver, now see the whole winding path from above, every twist and eddy fixed in the same eternal stillness.

This is not a comforting vision. Presentism, the folk religion of consciousness, flatters us: only this moment is real. The past is memory, the future fantasy, and the now is a sacred flame we alone can touch. But eternalism tears the veil. It says: there is no unique “now,” only an infinite tapestry of nows, stitched together beyond the needle of perception. Your sense of flow is parochial. Your “now” is not the world’s pulse, but a local arrangement, like a shadow cast by a moving sun across one corner of the mind.

It is physics that forced the confession. In special relativity, simultaneity dissolves under pressure. Two events that appear to happen together in one frame unfold in sequence in another. There is no universal clock, no privileged observer. And so, what happens “now” for you may already be past or future for someone else. The structure of spacetime offers no perch for a universal present. All events — those within your light cone, those eternally out of reach—are equally woven into the same four-dimensional manifold. A block universe. A crystal of all becoming.

This block has no front, no direction, no flow. Motion is internal to the structure; it is we who move. Or rather, we do not move at all — we are motion’s illusion, the cross-section of a line mistaken for a point. To live in such a universe is to be smeared across its length, a static filament of experience mistaken for a moving flame. Memory gives the illusion of momentum, but we are fixed, held. The fall into time is the trick of self-awareness unfolding across a curve already drawn.

Some recoil from this. It feels deterministic, dead, alien. If the future already exists, where is freedom? If the past is as real as the now, where is growth? Yet this unease may be the sign of a deeper misunderstanding. Eternalism does not imprison us — it dissolves the very notion of imprisonment. The self that chooses, the self that laments or hopes, is not an error within the block. It is one of its facets. Choice, from within, is as real as structure, from without. We are not less free — we are differently real.

The ancients sensed this. Parmenides, serene in his paradoxes, declared that change is illusion and being is one. Zeno followed, constructing impossible stairways through time and space, arguing that motion cannot be, since the whole is already there. Augustine, haunted by the mind’s inability to grasp time, concluded that time exists only in us — a distension of the soul. And God, if He sees, sees not in sequence, but in simultaneity: all things as one. To such a gaze, eternity is not endless time, but timelessness itself.

Eternalism does not ask us to see like this. It is not a mystic’s flight, but a philosopher’s sobriety. Yet the strange beauty of the eternalist view begins to shine when we let go of resistance. The moments of our life do not slip into the abyss. They do not perish. They are preserved — not in memory, not in Heaven, but in the structure of reality itself. The laugh you shared with your sister at five, the embarrassment in the classroom, the ache of your first loss — they remain, not as echoes, but as coordinates. They are not gone. They are simply elsewhere.

Perhaps grief itself is shaped by our refusal of eternalism. We mourn the past because we believe it has ceased to be. We fear the future because we imagine it is unreal. But what if we are wrong? What if every love we have known, every wound we have suffered, is not vanished, but forever stitched into the fabric of the whole? Then mourning becomes something else — an acknowledgment, not a lament. And longing becomes a strange form of recognition, like remembering a place you haven’t visited yet.

To think this way is not easy. It asks us to unlearn the grammar of becoming. It asks us to live inside a paradox: that everything changes, and nothing does. That we are both in time and outside it. That our lives are sequences and sculptures. One may feel the tension in the chest, the almost nauseating stillness beneath appearances. But perhaps this is the deeper rhythm of being — not a line, but a resonance. Not a journey, but a shape.

Eternalism, taken seriously, is a metaphysical wound. It strips the mind of chronology and replaces it with a strange intimacy with all moments. We are not moving forward. We are arriving forever. There is no now—there is only this shimmer, this intersection of viewpoint and event. And every possible intersection, even the ones you have not yet known, already awaits. You are already old. Already dead. Already born. Already dreaming.

The only question left is not what happens next, but: can you bear to see the world this way? Can you live in a time that does not flow? Can you forgive yourself, knowing that every version of you still exists, somewhere, always?

In the stillness that contains the storm, everything is happening. And has happened. And will happen. Nothing is ever lost.

The Daimonic Imperative

Some concepts resist domestication. They live on like sparks beneath ash, volatile, flickering back into flame when least expected. The daimonic is one such fire — a shape-shifting force, neither wholly divine nor merely psychological, not quite demon and never merely metaphor. It is the unruly genius that pulls at the threads of becoming, that tears the self toward wholeness by courting its undoing. To follow it is not to follow an idea, but to court an ancient necessity — the wound that guides the blade.

The word daimon comes down from a Greek root meaning to divide, to allot, to assign one’s portion. Yet what it gives is no simple gift. It carves and it compels. From the earliest myths, the daimon was a presence not seen but felt, a whisper in the bones, a fate braided into the marrow. For Homer, such spirits moved in and out of gods without clear distinction. For Plato, they became intermediaries, crossing the trembling boundary between mortal flesh and divine idea. Heraclitus, ever the fire-tongued riddler, simply wrote: a man’s character is his daimon. One’s own nature, then, is the guiding spirit — not external but within, not separate but spiraling at the core.

But what is this core if not split already? To say “character” is to speak of a signature etched in struggle, a style of response to the unbearable. The daimon is not a guardian angel. It is the interior fissure where spirit and instinct gnaw at each other, where longing becomes language and rupture begins to resemble form. It divides, yes—but it also binds. It wounds in order to portion fate.

Over time, the daimon was mistranslated. Christianity, with its hunger for moral clarity, pressed it into the shape of a devil. The word became suspect, then sinister. That which once described a sacred ambiguity was collapsed into a single pole: the monstrous Other. But the daimon, unlike the demonic, resists such exile. It is not evil. It is the unsorted real, the chthonic surge that refuses to be tamed by doctrine or diagnosis.

In modern psychology, the daimon reemerges with a quieter mask but no less force. For Rollo May, it is not a thing but a function — a power to overtake the whole person, erupting as fury or vision, compulsion or despair. It may drag one into addiction, but it may also fuel the long ache of creation. It is the erotic urge that leaps the bounds of reason, the grief that drives a life’s work. It does not want destruction, not exactly. It wants wholeness. And for that, it must risk the tearing-apart.

Here it comes near to Jung’s concept of the shadow — but with more flame. Where the shadow often becomes a repository for the unacceptable, the daimon is the field of original force, the place before division, before the tidy line between light and dark. It does not mirror the self — it ruptures it. It is the question beneath every answer. Not the death-drive, either; the daimon does not seek silence. It seeks transformation. Its violence is initiatory. Its madness is alchemical. Not a falling-back into entropy, but a bursting-through toward an integrity not yet lived.

Some are more seized by it than others. The gifted, the cracked-open, those on the edge—these become its unwilling translators. The daimon is not summoned. It summons. A genius, in the old Roman sense, assigned at birth, choosing you rather than being chosen. The poet hears it as a second rhythm beneath the heartbeat. The madman sees its face in the mirror. It is the source of the “other Will” that Yeats feared and worshipped. It does not speak in words. It uses you to speak them.

Yet all of us are daimonic, not just the seers and makers. The ordinary life is no refuge. The daimon appears in every unraveling — in breakdown, in obsession, in sudden love or inexplicable loss. It arrives when the self’s scaffolding gives way, when the ego’s neat scripts collapse. It asks not what you want, but what you are willing to become. It turns midlife into initiation, depression into descent, betrayal into a form of revelation. It leaves the psyche with no way back.

Jung, half-terrified, half-enchanted, wrote that the daimon throws us down and makes us traitors. Not to destroy us — but to awaken. And so betrayal becomes a rite. The ego must die into itself to be reborn, not as a new mask, but as a vessel for something older than personality. The daimon does not ask for improvement. It asks for sacrifice.

And what, finally, is it? Not a symbol. Not a syndrome. Perhaps not even a being. Speculatively, it may belong to a realm deeper than psyche, anterior to subject and object alike — a force field, a trembling interval, a pulse of becoming that erupts into form. It is not linear, not predictable, not safe. It unfixes the world so that something new might take shape. It is not human, but it expresses itself through the human — sometimes in brilliance, sometimes in horror, always in excess.

There is no ethical consolation here. The daimon is not good. It is not evil. It is what makes such judgments tremble. It is what calls the child into the fire of adult pain. What tears the artist from comfort and the saint from law. Promethean, it steals a spark from whatever lies beyond and presses it into the hands of the too-mortal self. The price is the wound. The reward is the fire.

To speak of the daimon, then, is to speak not of pathology but of a secret architecture. We are not stable creatures interrupted by occasional crisis. We are, at root, daimonic. We carry within us a stranger — a genius, a wound, a flame. To be human is to be porous to this force, to host the uncanny, to bear its command without ever fully understanding it.

The daimon reminds us that being is not given. It is wrested. That we are not what we are, but what we are called to become. That the deepest truths arrive in riddles. That the self must be broken to speak with the voice that is truly its own. And so the daimon does not merely haunt us — it is what gives form to the haunting. It is the imperative within the imperative.

And the only real question is whether we will answer.

Flesh Unwritten: On the Body without Organs

There is a moment in every act of violence, beauty, or madness when the body forgets itself — when it stutters, unfurls, becomes something else. It is not a corpse. Nor a soul. It is the body before anatomy, before category, before the priest of reason drew borders across the skin. This is the Body without Organs: not a negation of flesh, but a refusal of its imposed choreography. A body disassembled not into ruin, but into possibility.

Antonin Artaud uttered it first, in a howl: le corps sans organes — the body stripped of God’s judgment, of society’s surgery, of the false organs imposed by language and law. Later, Deleuze and Guattari took up the phrase and pressed it against the gristle of metaphysics, letting it bleed through Anti-Oedipus and A Thousand Plateaus. In their delirious cartographies, the Body without Organs (BwO) becomes not a thing, but a field — an anti-structure, a murmur beneath identity, a plane of unformed forces.

Imagine a body that no longer obeys. No longer centered by a brain, governed by a heart, penetrated by a phallus, or defined by hunger. A body liberated from the tyranny of function. Such a body is not dead — it is becoming. It is neither the clinical flesh of biology nor the stylized flesh of ideology. It is the surface without depth, or rather, a depth that can no longer be mapped.

Yet we must tread carefully. The BwO is not a metaphor. It is not “symbolic” in the way postmodern theorists are fond of — detached, clever, safe. It is dangerous. It seduces schizophrenic thought and erotic experimentation; it invites disintegration not for nihilism’s sake, but for the real, which lives beneath the real. The BwO is not a dream. It is an operation. A tearing-away. A slow murder of what has been made of us.

Deleuze and Guattari name three types: the empty, the full, and the cancerous. The empty is an abyss — pure openness, the screaming infant, the mystic void. The full is the ascetic body at the height of productive delirium, overflowing with intensities. The cancerous is the parody: a tyrannical repetition of a single function, the fascist organ that eats the whole. The dream of the BwO is not chaos — it is differentiated indeterminacy. It is the painter’s canvas before the brush. Not blank, but charged. Alive.

Nick Land, cybernetic apostle of collapse, saw in the BwO a gothic machine: a death-drive landscape where matter dissolves into noise and time devours itself. For Land, the BwO is not human. It is posthuman. A zone where identity leaks out through every pore, where libido is no longer erotic but algorithmic. He aligns it with Spinoza’s substance, Kant’s a priori, Freud’s Thanatos, and William Gibson’s cyberspace. But unlike them, Land sees no return. No synthesis. Only the glimmering spiral of a system unmaking itself in real time.

And yet, there is ecstasy here.

To make oneself a BwO is not to die, but to unfasten. To peel back the skin of representation and touch the intensity beneath. To let the body become a terrain — rippled, recursive, resistant to form. This is not liberation in the liberal sense. It is not about “freedom” from structures. It is about surrender to the flows that were always there — desire without an object, time without chronology, pain without a cause.

The Body without Organs resists the Self.

It is anti-memory. Anti-ego. It is the mystical body after it has burned through doctrine, the lover’s body when it forgets its shape in the middle of the night. The schizophrenic body humming with signals it cannot interpret. The dancer’s body before the choreography begins. It is not a utopia—it is an experiment. Dangerous. Sacred. Half-mad.

So how do we find it?

Not by dreaming, but by cutting. Not with knives, but with perception — with ritual, art, repetition, sex, fasting, overload. Deleuze and Guattari warn: “You don’t do the BwO. You make yourself a BwO.” You become it. Or rather, you become through it. Not a static form but a threshold — a membrane between this world and the one we are not yet prepared to name.

In the end, the Body without Organs is not absence — it is immanence. It is the potential of flesh unmoored from function. It is what remains when the names have all been scraped off the bone. And in that blankness, in that shimmer, a new music begins. Not harmony. Not discord. But difference. Pure, ungoverned, vibrating difference.

We are not ready for it.

And that is why it matters.

Belief, Habit, and the Haunted Body

We speak, at times, as though belief were a lighthouse of reason, casting clean light across the troubled waters of perception. A belief is something one holds — like a coin, a child, a candle in the wind. It is deliberate, conscious, and tethered to a logic one can defend, however shakily. But beneath belief, beneath the glass-and-stone house of reason, there stirs a darker animal. It flinches at the abyss, recoils from the porcelain cup shaped like a bedpan, weeps for a fictional child who was never born. Tamar Gendler has named this creature alief.

Alief is not an error in logic. It is a logic before logic — oneiric, instinctual, soaked in the sediment of evolutionary time. We may believe that the transparent balcony is structurally sound, that we are thirty stories above a safe, modern city. Yet our toes curl inward as if gripped by an ancestral terror, as if we still inhabit the fragile limbic architecture of creatures for whom height was death. The alief trembles while the belief recites facts. It is a schism that opens within the self — a subtle madness, a holy inconsistency.

And here lies the horror, or perhaps the glory: the self is not singular. It is a theater, half-lit, with actors who do not share a script. The alief does not consult the belief before stepping onto the stage; it merely appears, wailing or laughing or dry-heaving in response to a world it did not invent but cannot ignore. It is the part of us that gags at the fecal-shaped fudge, that shudders at the uncanny mask, that prays while knowing no god is there.

There is something religious in the alief — not in its content, but in its structure. It is the leap that precedes the Kierkegaardian leap of faith. It is the tremor before theology, the sigh before prayer. A man may believe in no afterlife and yet alieve that his dead father watches over him. A woman may believe that the communion wafer is mere bread, yet alieve that it must not be dropped. In these moments, the rational ego is dethroned — not by madness, but by the echo of older codes inscribed in flesh.

The body, after all, is a fossil of previous logics.

Consider the aesthetic dimension. Why do we cry at tragedies we know to be fictional? Why do we flinch at the villain's blow, or ache for the doomed lover who never lived? Gendler’s alief helps explain this tension between cognition and sensation, between knowing and feeling. But the explanation does not exhaust the mystery. The alief is not merely the brain’s stubborn reptilian artifact — it is the persistence of myth within the modern. It is the daemon in the machine, the tragic actor in the comedy of rationalism.

Perhaps this is why we resist it. Alief embarrasses the Enlightenment ego, the one that wants clean hands, clean thoughts, disinfected desires. The ego says: “I believe this food is safe.” The alief says: “It looks like shit — I will not eat it.” The ego says: “That’s just a doll.” The alief screams when the doll moves. The ego says: “This ritual is empty.” The alief kneels anyway, crosses itself, whispers the name it pretends to forget.

But what if alief is not our enemy?

What if it is truth in another key?

It is not opposed to belief — it is its underground twin, its feral sibling, the voice that continues to sing when reason falls silent. Gendler’s insight opens a wound—but also a portal. Through alief, we glimpse the porousness of the self. We begin to understand how phobia, art, religious ecstasy, and magical thinking are not aberrations but expressions of the self's multiple strata. We begin to see that human consciousness is not an empire of logic but a haunted palace — each room lit by a different century, a different instinct, a different prayer.

In a world dominated by hyper-rationalism, the concept of alief is a necessary heresy. It reminds us that we are not machines who sometimes malfunction, but creatures who sometimes dream in public. And those dreams — irrational, inconsistent, trembling — are not lies. They are aliefs. And in their shadows, we live.